Embracing My True Self and Celebrating My Sexuality
I’ve been on a happiness journey for at least the past 5 years. I have made some life-altering changes to create my own happiness. I began soul-searching, got a new career, left a toxic marriage behind and found my soul mate, all the while keeping a major piece of myself a secret.
One thing I have realized as my life has been falling into place is that true happiness comes from within, and in order to achieve this happiness you must love yourself. My self-love has been pretty good, I have to say. I exercise routinely, practice yoga, eat good food and enjoy the outdoors on a regular basis. So why the hell do I still have a nagging feeling of discontent?
True happiness comes from within, and in order to achieve this happiness you must love yourself.
The truth is I haven’t been honest with myself, or others for that matter. As I made these major life changes, I admitted to only a select few special people in my life that I am bisexual. Telling only the limited number of people who I knew would do nothing but support me was my way of “coming out.” I feared telling the whole truth, which could mean disappointment and judgement from some family, co-workers, and “friends.”
So here’s the thing – I want total and complete happiness inside myself. By hiding a piece of me I actually lose out on an important part of who I am. And I don’t want to brag but I am fucking awesome! Being true to me makes me the best Momma and partner I can be. So I am going to scream from the rooftops: I like men AND women!!!
Just to be clear, this is not a mid-life crisis or anything. I have been attracted to females since I was a teenager. I also had a boyfriend who I loved. This confused me at this immature phase in life. I had girl friends I was romantically attracted to and the feeling was not mutual. In college I was a cliché. “College girls do these things for attention.” In my early twenties I married my boyfriend. We had 3 beautiful girls together and I thought I was happy. Until I wasn’t.
As my marriage fell apart, I couldn’t help but think, “Is it because I’m a lesbian?!” To be clear, we were far from happy. Somewhere over the 17 years we were together we went from teenagers in love to people who didn’t even like each other. So naturally I wanted to explore my options after we parted ways. I set out to date only women.
As my marriage fell apart, I couldn’t help but think, “Is it because I’m a lesbian?!”
The universe had other plans for me. I went away for a week-long conference for work in the most picturesque location. When I walked in the building I was hit with a very bizarre energy feeling… and there he was, my now-fiancée. I realize it sounds weird. Love at first sight and all that, but I am telling you… he spoke to me and I actually couldn’t speak. Over the course of the week we got to know each other and the rest is history. One big ring and a baby boy later…
I came to realize for me the gender of a person doesn’t really matter; it is simply the person I am attracted to. If my fiancée had have been a woman, I would be in the process of marrying a woman. I love him for who he is.
Some might ask, actually some have asked, “So if you are happy why bother coming out at all?” For clarity, I am 100% in love with my soul mate, and am not seeking anything else. But my true reason is simple: happiness.
