In my teens, I was a total wannabe. I looked at other girls who seemed to have it all – the boys, friends, fashion and popularity. I faked it until I turned into someone that I wasn’t.
In my twenties, I was insecure and desperately trying to create a picture perfect life other women would be envious of.
In my thirties, I have failed, fallen and risen to the occasion. It took accepting some hard truths for me to become happy, as well as some dark moments. Here is how I have been keeping it real in my 30’s:
1. Take a good hard look at the relationships in your life.
The people who are closest to you should be your number one cheerleaders and supporters. Coming home at the end of a hard day should be your safe place to fall.
It took me a long time to come to terms with failure in my marriage. I am not going to lie, it was terrifying to let someone go who I had been intertwined with for over 17 years. It took accepting the hard truth that we were no longer serving each other in a positive way for me to come to the conclusion it was over.
This goes for all relationships. Friends, family, coworkers, etc. – any relationships that are draining you and leaving you feeling negative and empty. It’s time to free yourself from this bad energy. It is never easy, but you are worth it.
2. Stop trying to be the perfect MOM!
As a young mother, I clung to the title “Super Mom” for the longest time. This made me terrified to show any weakness and I felt a huge pressure to be the perfect Mom.
I am not perfect and I have freed myself from the “Super Mom” pressure. Instead, I make mistakes. I love my kids to the moon and back, but sometimes they drive me bat shit crazy! Sometimes I let my kids watch too much TV because I am tired. Sometimes I worry my 7 year old is the devil, Sometimes I don’t want to read a book. Sometimes I need a break. Sometimes I worry my teenager is making all of the same mistakes I did. Sometimes I yell. Sometimes they make me want to drink wine.
But ALL of the time I know I am good enough to be their Mom. And ALL of the time I know I am teaching them how to make mistakes and apologize. And ALL of the time I am grateful for my life with them.
One hard truth about being a Mom that it took a couple tries for me to get right was allowing my kids to fail and not covering for them or bailing them out of their mistake. If you find yourself working harder than your children for things YOU want for them you’ve got it all wrong. Guess what? I chased my 16 year old to do her math homework, met with teachers and took her social life away. Guess what? The outcome was the same. She almost failed the course. Me wanting something more than she did was not the answer. Children need to learn how to fail to learn consequences and resilience. Free yourself from the need to have “perfect” children and instead raise children with healthy coping strategies and problem solving skills when things do go wrong.
3. Comparing yourself to other women only ends in envy, greed, and insecurities.
Let’s face it, we see a Victoria secret model with her banging bod in an advertisement all of a sudden the new bra and undie set you just bought doesn’t quite make you feel as sexy.
Sometimes these insecurities can mask themselves as gossip with a girlfriend. Don’t be fooled if this conversation doesn’t leave you feeling energized and happy, you have just got sucked into the negativity portal!
Society has programmed woman to be in competition with one another. We must be the thinnest, prettiest, smartest, most successful to be the envy of all other women and valued by men. In reality, if you are striving for these things to please others you will never truly be happy! It takes you looking inward and starting to love the person you are before you can accept the hard truth that you may never be the prettiest, funniest, and smartest woman. But you are YOU! The only you there is!
Let’s start celebrating other women for their accomplishments. Try complimenting people when you notice they look great, or if they have achieved something fantastic. Change your energy and your thoughts will gradually follow. By putting out positive vibes you will attract positivity. Love yourself and others will too!
Being perfect is overrated! Accept your flaws, embrace the imperfections, and celebrate the REAL you.