I am a bisexual woman. According to Wikipedia, that means “a romantic attraction, sexual attraction, or sexual behaviour toward both males and females.” In my case, I am engaged to be married to a wonderful man, but that doesn’t change the fact that I am also attracted to women.
In ancient times, having sexual relationships with both men and women was not only accepted but kind of expected. Unfortunately for those of us living this reality, there are many misconceptions in society regarding what being bisexual actually means. People are judgemental of the unknown. Some may even see us as a threat. I personally see us as people who love people.
I recently had the pleasure to interact with many bisexual individuals bravely willing to share their their stories and negative experiences with me regarding their sexuality. I am acting on their behalf as well as my own to be a spokesperson to help demystify the world of bisexuality and hopefully make the world a little less judgmental by spreading information sprinkled with a little love.
First of all there, is no right or wrong when it comes to sexuality, and that includes bisexuality. For example, some people may think being bi-sexually means the attraction to both men and women is a 50/50 split. For some that may absolutely be the case, for others it may fluctuate or be a greater attraction to one sex over another. The bottom line is we are all different. Personally, am attracted to the complete person. The gender is not what I am attracted to. It is the energy a person possesses, almost like a gravitational pull. When I met my fiancée that is the thing I noted first; I was literally drawn to him.
People can also be bisexual and monogamous. It’s unfortunate that fear of the unknown often makes people mean. Many of my new bisexual acquaintances have shared with me that they are often been referred to as “cheaters” or “greedy.” One misconception I heard is that bisexual people are more inclined to have no commitment or open relationships. Each relationship is unique. Quite frankly, it is no one’s business but the people in each relationship what boundaries, likes and dislikes they have agreed to. For clarity, there are absolutely bisexual people who are in successful, loving, and monogamous relationships such as myself. However, everyone is entitled to live and love how they choose.
Being bisexual is often referred to as “just a phase.” Or bisexual people are told that a side must be chosen: you’re either gay or you’re straight. I’ve also recently heard the phrase “half way to gay.” I find that phrase extremely offensive. Gay, straight, bisexual, whatever: we are all fabulous. Also, this is not a choice we can make. We are attracted to both genders… period. It is not a phase. If you are only now hearing that someone you know is bi, it’s likely that they have been afraid of judgements like those and have lived hiding their truth. Be kind.
I have been asked, “If you are in a happy relationship with a man, why bother coming out at all?” Great question. The reason is Happiness. I want to express my true self and share all of me with the world.
We are all creatures in this giant universe. Each and every one of us are unique and beautiful. Let’s embrace curiosity and knowledge of the unknown. Let’s be open to hear people, feel their pain and respect their decisions about life and relationships. Most of all let’s create a kinder, more gentle world where we are all loved and accepted for who we are.
Love yourself and the rest will follow.